30 days Alcohol Free

Today is day 31. Every day I wrote this in my journal: Today I remain sober and am very happy to do so! I never really understood the “one day at a time” theory until now. It really keep things in perspective. Although, I do feel like this is my forever path, thinking of it as just today and what I will (or won’t) do today is so simple and easy. It really is working for me to look at this journey as small daily steps.

I am so happy 😀 n my new lifestyle. No more hangovers, guilt, bloat (oh that awful bloat), wasted time sitting around for hours drinking, bad food choices, hangover food choices, or missed opportunities! These days I plan my days and evenings around what I am wanting to accomplish in my personal and business life. I think I’ve gotten more clarity and purpose back into my life. I’m dreaming again and seeing my life as my canvas. I’m the artist of my life and I am making it beautiful and happy.

Alcohol has a way of tricking you into thinking you’re painting a happy picture when really you’re stagnating your potential. It’s so hard to see the truth while you’re sucked into alcohol’s tricks. It plays with your perspective and makes you think you’re living a glamorous life when really you’re just living a passive life (or at least I was).

I’m enjoying the free time it has allowed me. The many hours I filled with drinking and recovering from drinking are now spent writing, cooking, painting, exercising, learning and spending time with my loved ones. There is so much I want to do in life. And now I feel I can plan those big trips and adventures and am excited to be more present and feeling great for all the upcoming adventures.

I’ve lost 6.8 pounds so far and still have quite a ways to go but I’ve calculated that by my 53rd birthday in November I should be at my goal weight which will involve a total weight loss of over 50 pounds! It always surprises me how slow the weight loss happens but this time, I’m enjoying the process, not just looking at the final goal. I’m changing my whole lifestyle and enjoying every minute! 95% vegan for the past 30 days has been wonderful for me. I feel so fresh and alive and don’t feel weighed down by bad food choices and excess fat. I’m excited to see where my blood work will come in and where my body will be in a few days, weeks and months.

I’ve been working out 6 days a week and have started meditating every morning (thanks to my hubby encouraging me to join him on the daily meditations). It’s been gratifying to see some changes in my body and I’m also practicing more self care such as manicures, pedicures, hair, and massages. I tended to skip the self care when I was drinking. I would always pick drinking over self care! It’s really amazing how much that wine witch can control when you let her!

Looking back at my past attempts to create this blog “I love my new life” it makes me realize how long I’ve been struggling with that wine witch and how many times she’s won the battle! This time she’s banished from my house! She no longer is invited here! And I’m so happy she’s gone… it’s been a wonderful 30 days and I am excited to see what the next 30 bring!

Difficult times survived without Drinking!

In the past everything was an excuse to drink. I drank to reward myself for working hard and I drank to deal with stress and to celebrate success. Any reason was a good reason in my mind. I “deserved” it and I considered it my right! I drank a lot and often!

Over the years I began to notice how drinking zapped me of energy and caused me to not do many other things. I would drink and sit around. I didn’t paint, workout, garden, or bike ride. I drank and recovered from drinking. I worked a lot too (I didn’t only sit around and drink)! I did find myself in a daily cycle of working hard and drinking hard. It became routine and a complete bore! It is not easy to break that cycle, but it is doable. In fact, once your mind is set, it’s quite easy I think.

But your mind has to be clearly set that it’s what you want.

The mind is so very very powerful. It can do anything you want.

I set my start date to quit drinking forever to June 1, 2022. I actually moved it up to May 30th because I was just ready to get started.

Since that time I’ve had to deal with the death of an old friend who passed away unexpectedly at 65 and the return of an old friend who hurt me really badly (the husband of the deceased).

Two years ago this couple were our best friends. We travelled together and had been close friends for over 15 years. He worked for us as an independent contractor on our real estate team. In 2020 we ended our relationship due to his and her behavior regarding business. They did and said some really mean things and caused us (me and my husband own the business) a LOT of stress. Honestly, we thought we’d never see them or talk to them ever again. Two years went by and we were happy to no longer count them as friends. They were so hurtful to us!

Greed and money can be a very bad thing to get in the middle of a friendship. And they let that happen.

On Friday, May 27th, we received a text from him (old friend) that she (his wife) had passed away in her sleep that morning. she was a healthy 65 year old.

What? Talk about a shock.

We contemplated the situation and decided to respond with a text expressing our sorrow and offered to talk if he needed or wanted to. Well, this lead to him calling and talking. And then us attending the funeral. Then him approaching us telling us he learned from his mistakes and that he wanted back on our team (business).

And I did all of this without alcohol.

Not a drop. One or two times the thought crossed my mind but I pushed it right out. I don’t need alcohol to cope or deal! I’m perfectly capable.

I don’t know yet if we will allow him back on our team and in our life. But he and my husband have a 30 year friendship, he’s just lost his wife of 28 years and he was a good friend for many years.

*Until he forgot who trained and taught him everything he knows about the business (me) and he and his wife decided they deserved more and told us we weren’t needed anymore (so they could make more money).

Why does he want back on the team now? Why did he treat us like that? Will he do it again?

These are questions we will need answered.

And we will do it without alcohol! Clear headed. Full heart in. And I like it! I can feel and think so clearly 2 weeks into this alcohol free life. It’s been a rough two weeks too, to say the least.

I know I’m in the early stages of my alcohol free life and I know there will be many more challenges ahead, but I’m up for it to face them and continue this new life for good.

Life is so strange. You never know when your time is up! Live and love fully! That’s what counts most.

Our team meeting last week

9 days Alcohol Free -Changes in Me

Just a quick note to those considering the change to an Alcohol Free (AF) life: I was a gray area drinker for years. Consuming bottles and bottles of wine each week and functioning at a decent level. I got by. I faked our the world. But I wasn’t fooling myself. I wasn’t living my true authentic life.

Only 9 days sober and so far here are the positive effects of the AF life (and vegan/ whole food lifestyle:

1. I am sleeping better and wake up feeling refreshed instead of full or regrets and dragging my ass out of bed. Yep, I was often feeling like total crap in the morning after drinking the night before. Not anymore! I’m up and accomplishing my morning routine and smiling ear to ear doing it!

2. I have lost 4.5 pounds. Of course I was bloated. My face and stomach were so distorted. That’s changing significantly in only 9 days. Can’t wait to see what it does in 6 months!

3. Overall feeling of happiness. This is a “thing” that happens when you’re not putting toxins in your body. It’s a feeling that is so amazing. I find myself dancing and singing and just plain happy. This is way better than the wine dull buzz. I’m happy with it. Very happy!

4. More present in my family relationships. I am with my kids and husband fully present and engaged vs being a wino and being dull and absent. This is a great feeling and I want more!

I hope to inspire others who are on the same path as me. If you’re AF please share your experiences in the early days of your journey. I’d love to hear!

My son and my Bowie!

Vegan Fajitas OMG – AMAZING!

Vegan fajitas

Omg this was the best. I just had to share it. As a newer vegan cook I know I’ve struggled to find the flavor I desire in the past but this one was out of the park with great flavor! And I created the recipe myself! I’m not a chef by any means but I think it came out great. I was going to use the fajita mix packet but decided to just make my own and I think it came out amazing. I wish I had gotten better photos, but next time I will.

I hope you get to try this and enjoy!

Here’s the recipe.

4 portobello caps ribs and stem removed rinsed and sliced in 1/2 inch slices

One red onion sliced

Two bell peppers sliced

Sprouted corn tortillas

Avacado (smashed) or guacamole

For seasoning: 1/2 tsp of:

Cumin, chili pepper, oregano, onion powder or flakes,

1/4 tsp garlic powder,

and the juice of one lime.

Add a pinch of salt if desired.

Mix together the spices. Do not add the lime juice yet!

Place portobello slices In a sauté pan and let them reduce for about 40 minutes. Make sure they don’t stick to the bottom and add a little bit of water in the bottom of the pan if needed but the goal is to reduce so they are meaty but not watery. Strain and set aside. This will act as the “meat” for the fajitas.

Clean pan.

Add the onions and peppers and 1/3 of the seasoning. Sautee and cover for 6 minutes over medium high. Add a little veggie broth to the bottom of pan if needed to help them cook (1-2tbs).

Add the mushrooms with the remainder of the seasoning and the juice of one lime.

Mix and cover and cook for 6 minutes.

Check for the desired tenderness and serve when ready.

Over a cast iron skillet brown both sides of the corn tortillas for about 45 seconds until they are slightly browned and firm.

Serve the corn tortilla with the fajita mixture and top with guacamole, lettuce and tomato!

Add a squeeze of lime juice and fresh cilantro if desired!

If you try it out I’d love your feedback!

Here we go again! This is it.

So, I’ve been MIA from my blog for a good while. Reason being was I wasn’t willing to face the facts. I knew deep down that short term abstinence wouldn’t work for me and that I would have to make the decision to abstain and be sober for good/forever. Until I was willing to admit that I couldn’t write here because I was NOT living my best life or loving my “new” life!

After much trial and error and denial (I imagine) I have made the commitment to quit drinking and smoking and to change my whole situation. My true desires always have been to be super healthy, live a simple life and be in great shape. However, I’ve let work and life take over the past 20 years and I’ve lost my true self in that course. I’m committed to change that and change my life starting today.

I’m going to document the journey here, on my blog, and hope to connect with likeminded individuals in the process.

I know they say not to do too much at once, but I feel this all goes hand in hand. Today I commit to no alcohol, no cigarettes and to eat whole fruits, vegetables and grains/oats. I will measure my body and take photos to document progress. I will find some accountability partners and we will help each other. I intend to work more on my passions of exercise, gardening and painting and less on my business. I have more than enough but not enough of my true self, so this is the priority starting today. I’m going to find me again.

If anyone is on this same journey, reach out! I’d love to connect.

My perfect day vs my real day

I often dream about what I would do if I didn’t have to work, be a housekeeper at home, cook and clean, manage my household… what would my perfect day consist of if I could make it however I want it?

I spend so much time working in and on my business, running the family for myself, husband, sons, mother and dog, paying bills, managing our finances. The day to day workings of a large family plus the management of a small business with 4 employees and agents is very time consuming. It eats away at my days.

I find it hard to find time for me. For my passions. For my health, my relationship with my husband. I fail to manage my personal care to the level I want to. Something has to give. I’m tired of letting my health, my relationships and my passions take the back seat to my business.

The first step in making changes is admitting you have a problem. I do think I have a problem because I’m often feeling the pressures of the business and not caring for my own needs.

I’ve lost touch with my true self. What is it that I WANT out of this life? Money isn’t everything. I’ve been focused on making and saving money. So much that the rest is suffering.

What would it feel like to have freedom. To not have to answer my phone or emails or texts. To not have to talk to staff, clients, team members every day? What would I do with my time?

I dream of reading, exercising, gardening, cooking, painting, getting massages, pedicures, manicures, facials. I dream of leisurely walks, romantic lunches, time where I’m relaxed and enjoying my relationships. I envision hikes at the beach or in the mountains. Healthy foods and yoga. Painting and writing. Watching sunsets and sunrises. Time laughing with friends and family. Deep breathing. Growing spiritually… prayer.

I’ve often wondered how I could try this our first for a few weeks, a month or two, but I haven’t figured that out yet!

I carry a lot of stress and responsibilities with me all the time. I want freedom from this. I want to feel free and find my true inner essence. How can I do this?

Have you found ways to do this? There have to be ways to step in the right direction. Any ideas? If so, please share what has worked or not worked for you!

Experiment on myself

So, I’ve done this experiment several times and it always yields the same results. Gray area drinking is a real issue many face and I am definitely one of those people.

I started the year 75 days sober. I finished that test (experiment) and I had lost 12 pounds and I was feeling amazing.

I then decided I would try drinking a little bit again. Well, as normal that little bit slowly creeped back to where I was before with almost daily drinking. And some smoking. This has been a repeating cycle for the last several years.

So I’m here again documenting my experience. I feel silly to keep doing this. And I’m over it. I know I need to just quit. I’ve never really wrapped my head around quitting. I have always set a time limit to meet. But this last time I have realized I just need to quit.

Since going back to drinking the last (approximately) 75 days I’ve managed to gain all the weight back that I’d lost. I have been lethargic. And to top it off I know my cholesterol numbers are taking a big hit. I don’t understand why in my mind it’s okay to experiment with my health. It’s so ridiculous!

I am back to where I started on January 1 and I’m feeling so silly that I didn’t keep going. If I had I’d probably be down another 12 or more pounds and feeling good.

I think I’ve been in denial. I guess it must be! My weight and size make me uncomfortable even though I pull it off okay I know how disappointed I am in the way I look. Going away to the beach this holiday weekend I know I will be ashamed and embarrassed of my circumference!

I love to see the successes of those around me that have made it and are finally free of the alcohol curse. I appreciate your blogs and encouragement. I am back to square one and this time I want to make it a permanent lifestyle change. I’ve proven time and time again that I’m not able to experiment successfully.

Tired of this lifestyle!

It’s Night and Day

Today is day 66 alcohol free! As I wake up early and reflect on my life this morning I’m very intrigued by the vast difference I feel. It truly is like night and day and like there is a good me and a “bad” me. That’s funny really because I know I’m not “bad” but when I let the wine witch voice control me many bad things happened to me with my health and just overall how I felt.

I remember feeling so lethargic and tired. I didn’t have any energy for myself or for anything besides work and drinking and recovering from drinking. My health and weight suffered greatly due to the lack of exercise and healthy foods. I tended to allow more unhealthy foods due to laziness during times of drinking or recovering from drinking. I was not able to spend time reading consistently and I didn’t grow much from a personal growth standpoint.

Since January 1st I have not had a drop of alcohol. I have not even thought about it much. It’s so weird to say that but it must have finally been my time to “click” with it and get my shit together! I have only thought about the “fuzzy allure” of a glass of wine on a few occasions and I got through those pretty quickly. There is a part of me that is still hopeful that one day I could have 1-2 glasses of wine every week or two and be happy about it and see it like a treat, like I do when I have a special boba tea or something with extra calories that is consumed!

I don’t have any plans for my future self as far as if or when I will drink again. I know that I am finishing my 75 Hard journey which ends in about 17 days. Once that is over I will make some decisions on what I will do. One thing I’ve realized is that the alcohol calories didn’t make me fat as much as the fatigue and lack of motivation from excessive consumption did. So I know for sure I will never go back to that.

I never want to feel drunk and sick and hungover again. I don’t know if I ever want to drink again. It’s a gray area for me right now. I don’t know if it would be a slippery slope or if I would have really changed. But I know I don’t miss much about it!

I’ve lost 12 pounds so far and am shocked it’s not more. I had over 40 to drop and I thought for sure dropping alcohol and 1.5 hours a day of exercise along with an extremely healthy diet would make it happen faster! But I’m ok with it. I’m enjoying each day and the process of self discovery now more than I have in years!

I find I fall into bed exhausted and up early with so much to do that I don’t even know how I survived with alcohol the way I did! It’s weird but I feel like a totally different person. Anyone else feel that way?

Accepting the small wins

Today is my 45th day of no alcohol and 37th day on the 75 Hard challenge. I have to say, it’s been an interesting journey so far.

This is the longest I’ve gone alcohol free in my adult life (besides during pregnancy). The last 37 days have been the most I’ve exercised consistently for many many many years.

The old me would have quit by now with the small results I’ve seen on the scale. I would think that with all the exercise, lack of alcohol, and totally clean eating with no red meat, no fried foods and no white bread products, plus no processed foods would have brought a much more significant loss on the scale. I’ve only lost 7.5 pounds so far and I’ve got so far to go. Normally I would let my wine witch convince me that I can lose weight just as easily while drinking as I am now. And I would be back to drinking almost daily and consuming way more than my fair share 😜.

But this time I’ve committed to the process. I’m enjoying the process. I’m not craving wine. It’s been so weird that I rarely even think about alcohol. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve occasionally craved that fuzzy romantic tease that sipping a wine on the deck on a beautiful day would somehow make it even better than it already is, but it’s faded quickly.

I do now notice that I used wine to unwind and detach from work and my goals. I used it to escape from everything I want and need to do. I’m working on finding the way to still escape and slow down without it. It’s a bit of a challenge because I tend to be the type that is very driven to work on my business and life. Like, all the time. So, working on time to relax with myself and my hubby is a little bit of new ground. We used alcohol all the time for this.

I see some changes in my mindset and a few changes in my physique but I always expect it so much faster than it happens. I’m still hopeful that one day soon that switch will flip like I recall it doing in the past. All of a sudden all the hard work comes to a point where it just shows up. The weight suddenly falls off and it all comes together.

Maybe it’s wishful thinking at my age but I’m holding onto it!

30 days Alcohol Free

I am so excited that I have made it to this day! I’m 30 days without alcohol and I’m not stopping!

I wanted to share a few thoughts about this journey. This time it’s been different. I think I was finally really committed. Why? I’m not sure besides the fact that something clicked in my brain (thank God)!

I’ve been talking about this for years. I’ve attempted to stop binge drinking and “control” my drinking many times. I never really committed to it though. I was always counting the days until I could drink again.

This time I went about it a different way. The angle in my mind was different. I am in this to be better. To improve my health. To be present every day and use my time wisely. I’m curious what will happen with my life, my relationships and my business, with this much extra time on my hands.

I wasted almost every day drinking and recovering from drinking for years. I was not what I would call an alcoholic, but I used alcohol to “relax” and to “escape”. I thought I needed it. I will admit, my brain goes and goes and without alcohol numbing it or causing it to ache in the morning, I am very busy making a life I truly love.

In these first 30 days I’ve accomplished a lot. I’ve done 40 workouts, drank 30 gallons of water, read 2 books, lost 6 (plus) pounds, lost over 10 inches, hired a new employee and a new realtor, read the Bible every day, and enjoyed some good sleep.

I’m happy I’m finally committed to the process, not the results. I think that is the key. Enjoying the process is the key to success. Focusing on the results always made me fail because the results didn’t come fast enough. I always went back to my ways of drowning in the wine to never appreciate the actual process.

If I can do this, you can too, if you want to. I was a heavy drinker for over 25 years and I loved my wine! Now I am loving my life (instead of my wine). That’s a much better feeling!