How did I let myself go so far? What happened to self care?

Yikes. As the fog is lifting from a lifelong (it seems) bender and love affair with wine, I wonder, how did I let myself go so far and so badly?

It’s only day 4 but as I weighed in at 186.2, I find myself wondering how I’ve allowed wine to win over everything else. My weight, my health, my passions for art and gardening. The weight is a very obvious sign of this, the most readily observable.

140 is my ideal weight. I remember in my mid 20’s when I hired a trainer and also met my husband and best friend who became my business partner (and introduced me to my love affair with wine). Anna and I hired a trainer and we got into the best shapes of our lives. We both looked and felt amazing. It was such a nice feeling, although it was fleeting. Soon, my new love affair with wine, Tim, and Anna began to take over and slowly for the next 25 years it took over more and more of me.

This extra 50 pounds on me is the result of the absolute lack of self care.

In addition to the weight I noticed that as the years went by I began to care less and less for myself, instead drinking myself to a drunken state and going to bed without brushing my teeth and washing my face. I would check in the morning and see that I had not, once again, even brushed my teeth. I would black out a lot of the nights at the end.

Most of my drinking happened at home. So, I would stumble into bed with the intention to wash up and brush my teeth in a moment just to pass out completely. Then I would wake up feeling like shit and face the day, too tired to work out and often didn’t want to wash my hair and shave my legs unless absolutely necessary.

What a shitty life I was leading! It was the last two months of 2019 when all this became very apparent to me. I realized this pattern, saw the weight, and saw how I was doomed to a life of sadness if I didn’t change my ways.

Self care and loving and a healthy happy life, or a drunken life of wine. It was my pick.

Looking back at my life, I don’t regret it, but I’m excited to move past it. It’s time for a new life. To see what it’s like to care for myself and nurture myself.

So many feelings are already coming to the surface and I will face them day by day, sober and with self love and self care.

Some of my favorite self care things to do are:

  • Epsom salt bath with essential oils
  • Body salt and oil scrubs
  • Facial scrubs and masks
  • Massages
  • Diffusing essential oils
  • Meditation
  • Reading
  • Cooking
  • Organizing
  • Walking
  • Biking
  • Meditating
  • Reading
  • Writing
  • Stretching or yoga

Most are free!

What do you do for self care that you didn’t do when you were drinking heavily? I’d love to hear in the comments!


Published by lisamarie2015

I just turned 50 and am ready to make 2020 the year of major change for myself and my family! I am a realtor, an artist and a fitness lover. I am ready to tackle some of those difficult things in life that seem to get put off and put off and see where this new road of focus and intention takes me.

6 thoughts on “How did I let myself go so far? What happened to self care?

  1. A great list of self care. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. Kind words too.
    Worry about the weight second. Focus or let go of drinking first, that’s my advice. Do one thing well and then move onto the next when you’re sorted. And ignore all unsolicited advice on the Internet. 😁

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Yay! Self care! I am also very excited to be taking better care of myself now. I love your list. I also do many of those same things. I need to schedule a massage! Congrats on Day 4!


  3. I actually can’t believe the way I was treating myself. I didn’t even practice self care in terms of being nice to myself. I was always so critical and tough, then drank to blot that out. Now, I take baths ALL the time, I’ve downloaded guided meditation apps, I have eye masks and face packs, I read, I lie in bed and nap, I’ve had massages, I tell myself I’m a genuinely good person and I accept compliments from others (and believe them!).

    The biggest thing I do for myself is to not drink. That’s the one thing to keep doing no matter what, the other stuff can be added in as time goes on.
    Love your post .. keep it up xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

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