Said my doctor, an older woman, a few years ago. I was in for my annual check up and had mentioned that I was having a hard time sleeping through the night. Of course, when I had filled out the form asking how many alcoholic drinks I drank each week I lied terribly! What would they think of me if I was honest? At that time I was probably drinking 30-50 wines a week, depending on how dedicated to “moderation” I was that week and how many benders I went on with friends and hubby.
She said that it was hormones keeping me up and waking me up, but deep inside I wondered if it wasn’t the having to urinate, the extreme thirst, the sugar from all the wine… maybe that was waking me up? I didn’t dare mention it to my doctor.
The doc then asked me to try some hormone testing and went on to say it’s normal to be awake at my age at that time and that they call it the “4am club” there at her office.
I remember in my 20’s I met a wonderful woman named Leoma Lovegrove. She was living the life, in my eyes. She was a little more eccentric than I would see myself as, but she was a thriving successful artist in her 50’s. She told me at one point that she painted in the wee hours of the morning because she couldn’t sleep- she said she did her best work from approximately 4am- dawn. I don’t think she was a drinker, so maybe just an early bird, or maybe there is some truth to the hormones waking us up.
I don’t know which it is, but for the last week of no booze I am still waking at about 4 am. I have had to urinate a lot still at night which, if I remember correctly, happened during my 30 day abstaining periods for the first week or two. Must be toxins being flushed out. I am curious to see if it continues or if it was actually the wine waking me up.
The wine would wake me up and I would think “oh no, did I lock the house, did I brush my teeth, did I walk the dog?” I don’t miss that! Now when I wake up at 4 am I am grateful for this chance to renew myself. I’m grateful for this community and the other blogs I read. I’m happy to pray or think during this time. And now I’m praying for positive things not praying I didn’t do something stupid I will regret in a few hours upon getting up!
Yep, the 4am club is better sober! I will take it and if it continues maybe I will be like Leoma and just get my ass up then and get to work on my passions like she did –painting and art! Time will tell. I’m in no hurry. I’ve got the rest of my life to figure this sober journey out.