Yesterday was a hard day topped with crazy dreams!

My husband and I acting like we didn’t get the call during our video shoot yesterday!

My 16 year old son got into a lot of trouble at the end of 2019. This lead to me increasing my drinking and to me smoking almost a pack a day of cigarettes (I was formerly a “social smoker).” We found him smoking pot and sneaking out at the beginning of his 10th grade school year and it ended with him being caught in the bathroom at his high school accused of attempting to deal drugs. He was kicked out of that school (a great school) and sent to an alternative school for “bad kids” or “kids with bad grades”. We are still awaiting a court date to see what his fate will be with regard to the charges. Needless to say it was and has been very stressful trying to make the right decisions and to get him back on track. It definitely was an excuse for the wine habit to increase from August to December of 2019, ultimately making it clear that I needed to just quit.

Well, yesterday we got a call from the alternative school. They love him there. He’s not the normal bad kid. He’s super smart and he doesn’t belong there (or should I say is different from the rest there). He was searched and they found vapes on him. He was suspended for 5 more days. This is the second suspension this school year. The first one was 10 days. I was so mad. I couldn’t fathom why he would take vapes to school. First of all he’s promised us he’s not vaping and second he knows they search him there and it’s a major offense. Well, apparently the girl he sits next to asked him to hold them because she was called to the office and sure she’d be searched. He’s only known this girl 6 weeks and was dumb enough to say yes. Yep, they called him too because the teacher probably got wind of it and he then was in trouble for having them on his person and she now got in more trouble for distribution instead of her just having them. How dumb can it get? This kid has got to get his head in the right place.

He was caught up in a mess he created for himself and now he’s paying the price at this school. We’ve even considered sending him to a boarding school to get him away from these bad influences he’s gotten to know here. We haven’t decided. We need to wait for his court date. I am certain of one thing. It is a super hard decision. And I love him so much. Parenting is hard.

Yesterday dealing with this stress I thought about how I was drinking to numb it last year and I resolved to take deep breaths and not drink. It worked. I didn’t drink.

However I had such crazy drinking dreams all night! I was surrounded by bottles and boxed wine. Tons of it. Tons of friends drinking it. I could smell it and see it flowing! In my dream I contemplated just drinking it. Just that one time and then starting over. But in my dream I thought about the people who read my blog and how I didn’t want to disappoint them. I thought: I could just keep it a secret and not tell them! They would never know. And then I said to myself, no, this blog is my diary, it’s my place to be totally honest. No bullshit. Just the truth. And I’m not drinking! I actually had this conversation with myself in my dream. And it is vividly memorable. I thought it was interesting.

So thank you all! Thank you for your support, thanks for reading and thanks for sharing your stories. It is important and it is worthwhile! Hope everyone has a great day and enjoys the post.