Last night hubby and I went to a concert to see an old Favorite band, Styx. We did it alcohol free.
As I was on the way there I thought about all the 100’s and probably 1000’s of times we’ve gone to events and concerts over the years and this would be count for my 2nd one ever sober! We also attended a David Bowie tribute last year sober in set January. In the past on 100’s or 1000’s of occasions I would have been drinking at home since about 4, probably drinking some on the way, and by the time I arrived id have been pretty tipsy, 4-6 drinks into the night and I would drink 3 more or so there. I would crave cigarettes and smoke too. I was a mess. I was governed by drinking as much as I could and would make sure to get my fill!
Why was that the case? Why did I forget about health and happiness. And every more importantly why do I still think I want that control and that dream of being a moderate drinker?
Yep, my mind keeps on telling me that I can moderate. I can have it all. And, maybe I can. I know the mind is so powerful.
But why would I want to moderate? Why bother? I’m so happy without it. And drinking is. It the norm. When you actually look, many don’t drink. And very few drink like I did.
That notion is still there. The notion that I can drink out at events and drink only 3 drinks and stop and be happy. Well, it sounds wonderful, doesn’t it. Why does the mind do this? Why do I have to think this way?
I’ve read lots of books and I know it’s a normal feeling. I just wonder if anyone does actually do abstinence and then do moderation successfully and if it’s something I may try for.
I am going 100 days as my first goal. After that I will see how I feel on many levels and evaluate from there. I’m about 1/4 of the way to 100, and I really think I’m probably going for 365.
I’ve heard the magic starts happening at 100 days and just gets better from there. I’d love to hear from those of you who have passed these milestones and how you feel at them and beyond!
I appreciate hearing your stories and successes. They help keep this lady on track!
I love my new life! 
Good job at the concert!!!! 100 days is my goal, too. I’m at 70. I read a lot of books and blogs that seem to show some kind of turning point around that time, but it doesn’t seem like that’s true for everyone. One things’s for sure, though, the long-term sober people all seem 100% happy to be sober now, and that their lives are so much better without alcohol. It also seems like that moderation voice can sneak up on you at any time, though. My mom was sober for 60 years when she decided she could just drink a little wine. She ended up back in AA after 10 years, and she hated having to quit again. Belle Robertson calls it the Wolfie voice (have you read her blog?). Others call it the wine witch, but it seems common to hear that voice. I’ll let you know what 100 days looks like when I get there. 🤗
LikeLiked by 2 people
Really great comments. You and I will hit that 100 almost together … nearly there! Xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yay!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oops. Can’t figure out how to edit my comment. Not that it matters, but I meant 20 years, not 60! She was 60 or 65 at the time, I think. Same result though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thats awesome to read you went alcohol free. With every addiction, you need to know what is best for you and if you feel you can’t moderate – then trust that. I’ve never gone through addiction (at least none that I am aware of, lol) but knowing others who have, they have learned it was best to just say no. And people who care will support you for your choices. Amazing journey tho love!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks guys! I don’t know if I ever really tried to moderate/ I think I just tried to drink as much as I could and still function. I don’t know why I was doing that! Lol. Weird…
LikeLike
So, this is one of the ‘big’ questions many of us seem to ask ourselves. The ultimate dream … moderation. I think once you start to feel better because you aren’t drinking, you gain confidence, self esteem, increased resilience and subsequently can’t imagine that you ever were addicted in the first place. Surely you wouldn’t be now .. you are a different person!! But of course, as MsNL said about her mum, we are only different because we aren’t drinking. The moment we do, we end up back where we started. It may not be immediate. It could be a few weeks or months, but the frequency and quantity would gradually increase. Then it starts to impact physically and psychologically and bam 💥… back on the slippery slope!
People must take the approach that suits them and for some moderation can work. For me, I can’t be bothered with the mental battle and angst trying to moderate brings. I also think, I reached such a low point I needed to stop it completely. That can only mean one thing … I am not, and never will be, a moderate drinker.
That’s just me though
Great work on the AF concert
Claire xxx
LikeLiked by 2 people
I started on my sober journey thinking about moderating my alcohol intake later down the path. Over a year sober now and not interested in trying to moderate my drinking at all. A waste of time and energy. For me at least.
I have no regrets of my drinking day, mostly. But now I’m on a different path.
I like my new sober life.
Finding how you spend your time sober is key. Trying new things, old things, whatever tickles you.
For every day sober you flex and develop that internal strength that was always there.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hi , I know just one friend who managed to moderate after a year of abstinence but he’s the only one and as much as I love him, he is a one off, a person of incredible resolve. I know I’m not like that and I have tried it. I know I’m not good at moderation so for me giving up has been liberating, no more deliberating and it’s gets easier and better day by day. Good luck. Jim x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I so much appreciate all of you guys. Your comments all make so much sense and I do already greatly appreciate my new life. My sober life. I really don’t want to be bothered with moderation and I am praying for that moment when I know I don’t ever want it! I feel blessed to have you all supporting me in this journey!
LikeLiked by 1 person