Experiment on myself

So, I’ve done this experiment several times and it always yields the same results. Gray area drinking is a real issue many face and I am definitely one of those people.

I started the year 75 days sober. I finished that test (experiment) and I had lost 12 pounds and I was feeling amazing.

I then decided I would try drinking a little bit again. Well, as normal that little bit slowly creeped back to where I was before with almost daily drinking. And some smoking. This has been a repeating cycle for the last several years.

So I’m here again documenting my experience. I feel silly to keep doing this. And I’m over it. I know I need to just quit. I’ve never really wrapped my head around quitting. I have always set a time limit to meet. But this last time I have realized I just need to quit.

Since going back to drinking the last (approximately) 75 days I’ve managed to gain all the weight back that I’d lost. I have been lethargic. And to top it off I know my cholesterol numbers are taking a big hit. I don’t understand why in my mind it’s okay to experiment with my health. It’s so ridiculous!

I am back to where I started on January 1 and I’m feeling so silly that I didn’t keep going. If I had I’d probably be down another 12 or more pounds and feeling good.

I think I’ve been in denial. I guess it must be! My weight and size make me uncomfortable even though I pull it off okay I know how disappointed I am in the way I look. Going away to the beach this holiday weekend I know I will be ashamed and embarrassed of my circumference!

I love to see the successes of those around me that have made it and are finally free of the alcohol curse. I appreciate your blogs and encouragement. I am back to square one and this time I want to make it a permanent lifestyle change. I’ve proven time and time again that I’m not able to experiment successfully.

Tired of this lifestyle!

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